If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dicks are not precious.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
