Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
