she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
