with your own penis?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
