Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
