Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
