I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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