So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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