My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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