Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
bring money and cleavage
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
