some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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