you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize