Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
