dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
