In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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