You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
