I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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