At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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