guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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