I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
as a side note pls kill me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
