Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
