if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
