sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
