she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
