Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
