I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
