By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.