I feel great
I just peed on a car
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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