I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
