I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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