My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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