OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
