Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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