So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
