I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think i peed on brittanys purse
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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