This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
