Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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