this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
