I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need water and some morals
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
