Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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