I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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