thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
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Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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