Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
