What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
