Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
