It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
