quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
