I think I died a long time ago.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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