When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize