I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
