I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
