curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
