now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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