he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
