hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
