is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
