It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
