remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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