Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
