Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
