He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
