I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
