If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize