JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
