I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
