from now on my penis is your penis
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
